


This Side of Yesterday

by RavenSinead



Series: This Side of Everything [1]
Category: Mass Effect (Comics), Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect - Various Authors, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alien Understanding Humanity, Character Study, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spiritual Sci-Fi, Story within a Story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22347646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenSinead/pseuds/RavenSinead
Summary: It's the smaller stories, Doctor...the ones so often unrecorded, that are the most important. The deeds of heroes are nothing without the remembrance of private moments, what shaped them. I would not have mine go untold. And I can think of none better to share them with...than you. -A retelling of ME1 through the eyes of Liara T'Soni only, as wrapped in a story set centuries after the Reaper War's beginning.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Liara T'Soni
Series: This Side of Everything [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608652
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	1. The Legend That Is...

**Author's Note:**

> This series and all subsequent creations in the universe belong to BioWare and affiliates. Also, I am not a medical professional, so some of this is content is brought to you by internet research and long-suffering friends who put up with my questions. So please take it with a grain of salt. Dramatic license has also been taken with some of the events, as well as an incorporation of supernatural type elements, so if you are a sci-fi purist, this is probably not the fic for you. All that said, I truly hope you enjoy this work.

**Thessia  
**

The sun broke over the hills of the city, washing the world in pale light, signaling the end of another long night. The doctor walked through the white and blue, sterile hallways of Thessia Medical, pinching the bridge of her nose, each step leading her closer to the sliding doors, the kiss of air, and the sweet taste of freedom after a day-long shift. 

Her hands shook faintly, trembling with exhaustion and the over-abundance of caffeine running through her system. Though she tried to deny that the stress of coping with her hyper-critical colleagues affected her in any sort of way, she could not lie. It had been difficult, defying the social norms of her culture, finishing standard schooling, biotic training, and entering thence immediately into the most difficult medical program offered by Thessia's oldest and most renowned university. 

She was still a maiden, and instead of spending those first three-hundred years branching out and stepping into every part of the galaxy she could, she'd chosen a different path. But the high and mighty surgeons at Thessia Medical still tended to judge her work harshly, double and triple check her fastidious work, and abuse each and every chance to take her to task over the very few mistakes they'd ever found. As much as she tried to deny it, outside of the operating room, she stood on shaky ground in her own thoughts, having let the doubts of others seep in and corrode her once pervasive confidence. Only in surgery could she drown out the harsh whispers over the intercom in the overhead observatory. When a beating heart lay splayed open on her table, then there was calm, validation, belonging. All else faded. 

The doors were before her now, the promise of freedom steps away, when a voice shattered the calm and the doctor's steps. 

"Doctor T'Aryn!" A nurse ran up to her, almost frantic, a chart flashing on her omni-tool. "Doctor T'Aryn! One moment, please!"

Dr. Sen T'Aryn's heart pounded as she looked between the nurse and the door, debating, as usual, between freedom and duty. She groaned inwardly and turned, attempting to school her expression into something other than ire. Her appearance was off-putting enough to her fellow asari. They did not heed her glaring at them to further damage her already much-abused reputation. 

"What can I do for you?" She asked, cringing as her voice emerged too rough, far cry from the melodious, soothing tones attributed to her race by the galaxy at large. 

"You've been asked to consult in the ER." The nurse held up her omni-tool in a universal gesture, requesting a sync.

Sen reluctantly brought up her own wrist and watched as the nurse transmitted the information in a matter of microseconds. The chart flashed up on her display, but Sen ignored it, preferring instead to get the information firsthand. 

"Is this patient being admitted to the cardiac floor?" She asked, wondering which ward doctor she could pawn this off on, so she could get through those doors... _so close_...to home, to freedom, to Mira's smile, embrace, and pot of coffee. 

"The patient says that she's fine, but her EKG is abnormal, and we're trying to convince her to stay for observation."

"And the ER doctors aren't qualified to persuade her?" Sen frowned as the nurse caught her eyes for only a brief second, before ripping them away. 

"I don't know. The chief of emergency services specifically requested a cardiac specialist for this patient." The nurse explained, tugging on Sen's elbow, impatient, knowing it would be _her_ career on the line if the chief's orders were not followed promptly. "You're the only one not in the OR right now, and I know it's the end of shift, but..."

"I'm coming." Sen sighed, closing the chart and opening a message screen, typing a quick, frustrated note to Mira, explaining, as brief as she could, the current situation. 

Even though Chief Sere was not the head of Sen's department, the doctor knew it would not benefit her already tumultous career by ignoring one of the head staff members of Thessia Medical. Perhaps, if she could complete this insane, surely simple persuasion, get her patient admitted to the cardiac floor and under observation, Chief Sere would put in a good word for her with Dr. Ela T'Vari, Sen's own chief and harshest critic. 

_It is not standard practice to emply a "surgeon" still within her maiden years,_ Sen remembered Doctor T'Vari's greeting, _no matter test scores or reports from your supervisors during your residency. One's maiden years are about learning and understanding the galaxy as a whole, and thereby gaining competency in a chosen profession **and** in living and coping with the stressors of this line of work. However, given galactic strides made by **other** maidens in this galaxy, I have no option **but** to give you this opportunity, if you consider yourself able to perform under the scrutiny of your fellows. _

Sen had left that office on that day with ice in her veins and a fury in her heart that did injustice to the galactic stereotype of the asari being calm, gentle, learned beings. She'd clenched her fists to contain her rage, concentrating instead on what her mother would say, what Mira would say, should she lose her dignity and temper in front of her administrator. 

She followed the nurse into the elevator, staring with longing through the glass at brief peeks of the world revealed as the car traveled down from the twelfth floor to the first. The nurse led her through the maddening maze of shift change, the mass entrance and exodus of each day. Sen rubbed the grit from her eyes and stumbled as she tripped on the fresh-mopped floor. 

"I am truly sorry, Dr. T'Aryn." The nurse apologized again. "But you were the last resort. The chief _insisted_."

"It's all right." Sen assured the nurse, who couldn't have been much older than herself. She idly ran her fingers over her omni-tool, having forgotten to bring up the patient's chart after sending Mira the message. 

_This is not a good idea,_ she warned herself. _I am tired, cranky, and already under the microscope. Not to mention that my bedside manner suffers at the best of times, and this case already seems like more trouble than it should be. A cardiac specialist to persuade a patient to stay for observation because of an abnormal EKG? Really?_

Sen gathered her composure and attempted to plaster a smile on her face. She followed the nurse down an obscure hall, to a very private room, strange for an emergency patient, opened the door, and immediately felt punched in the gut. The asari sitting on the bed was breathtaking. Obviously into her matron years, she rested with a composed grace, ankles crossed, hands folded into her lap, eyes closed. At the sound of the opening door, Sen's patient looked up, a smile crossing her cobalt lips, a smile that reached her very blue eyes...until she looked at Sen. Then, her expression faltered, her breath caught audibly in the quiet room, and she raised a hand to her chest. 

Sen immediately keyed in her omni-tool and ran a scan of the asari's heart. It beat at a furious pace, but with no abnormal or erratic beats. She moved close, rested her hand on the asari's shoulder, and maintained eye contact. "Are you all right, Matron?" She asked, cursing under her breath as she finally remembered to bring up the patient's chart. 

Sen's face drained of blood and her own heart began hammering so loud she didn't hear the response. Her career was over, done with, license stripped and tossed away like it never existed, never been fought for. She bit her lip and examined the chart, attempting desperately to ignore the name at the top. 

_Dr. Liara T'Soni_


	2. Fraught First Meeting

**Thessia  
**

Sen looked from the name on her chart to the quiet asari sitting there with an enigmatic, sorrowful smile on her lips. All of her training flew from the window as Sen now remembered seeing this face far too many times. Plastered across the vid screens on the anniversary of the Reaper War, standing on the steps of the temple of Athame, giving a speech of remembrance and regret...the only one of the Normandy crew still alive who had been in the center of that great conflict...who would speak of it publicly anyhow. 

Sen creased her brows, knowing that there were appropriate questions to ask, protocols to be followed, but the words on the chart, what she'd been asked here to do, lost all definition and meaning. She took a deep breath, attempting to restore her calm, to _focus_ on the patient...the hero...the goddess-be-damned war hero. 

"It is all right." That mellifluous voice, so much more real than on the recordings or livestreams. "I assure you, I'm fine."

Sen wiped her now sweaty palm on her wrinkled lab coat and swallowed the lump in her throat. "I doubt that." She managed to rasp, too brusque, hoping that her voice did not offend the graceful matron before her. "Oh, goddess _._ " She hissed, realizing her blunder. "Please, forgive me, it's just..."

"That a patient in the emergency department usually has a reason for being there?" Liara asked, a teasing glint in her eyes, and a crestfallen Sen nodded, desperately attempting to regain her composure and professional demeanor. 

"I've been told my bedside manner is wretched at best, desultory at worst." Sen managed to take Liara's proffered grace, earning a soft smile from the elder asari. 

"No harm done." The asari of legend extended her hand and Sen shook it, thinking the distinctly human greeting somewhat odd, but admiring the strength in Liara's delicate hand as she grasped it. "It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Doctor..."

"Sen T'Aryn." Sen managed to remember her own name, alarmed as a pained crease pinched Liara's brow. She found more secure footing as her training returned. "Are you currently experiencing any symptoms?" Sen asked, pulling up the EKG records, alarmed as she saw the erratic spikes and dips of tachycardia and bradycardia in quick succession. "Shortness of breath, dizziness, any tightness or pain in your chest?"

"Not at the moment." Liara shook her head, makng even that seem the most graceful of gestures. With her here, in person, it was quite difficult to see the battle-hardened asari of legend...somehow twisted by war from a gentle, naive archaeologist to a biotic valkyrie. "I was but...it's done now. No reason for concern. I am accustoned to it after two hundred and twenty-nine years."

A quick glance at the chart revealed Liara's age. Three hundred and thirty-seven...far too young to be exhibiting symptoms of cardiac distress of the calibre on the EKG. Sen frowned, preparing to ask further questions when the door of the room burst open, revealing an exquisite asari matriarch...the imposing form of the chief of cardiology. 

"Dr. T'Soni." Chief Ela's voice rang through the room, a low alto that somehow contrasted with the rare lavender of her complexion. Sen took a step back--the chief was a formidable, intimidating presence, and Sen knew the burn of her wrath too well to risk incurring it. "I came as soon as I was informed of your condition..."

Sen's hearing blurred, disconcerted by the presence of her chief, but, in a way, she found herself grateful. Ela's presence meant that Sen's part, ineffectual and brief as it had been, was over. She could go home now, as she'd been longing to do since before the sun rose. 

"...you should be admitted for observation, just for a day." Ela's voice returned to Sen's hearing, and she realized her chief must have been speaking the entire time she lost herself in thought. "I will oversee your care myself, and you will, of course, given your status, be in a private room away from prying eyes."

"With all due respect to your profession, Chief T'Vari," Liara spoke, and Sen wondered how she'd missed their introductions, "I do not think it will be necessary. I am feeling quite well now, and..."

"I must insist." Ela interrupted, and Sen's eyes widened at her gall. "Your health is nothing to be trifled with and, given your position, you must not only consider yourself, but all of Thessia, and the galaxy as a whole."

Liara sighed and Sen caught a flash of irritation in her eyes before they returned to that calm, serene blue, a color so fashionable now that many asari underwent a painful procedure to alter the color of their iris to that famous shade. 

"As you wish." Liara surrendered. Chief T'Vari opened her mouth and Liara raised a finger, halting the matriarch's voice. "I will submit to the monitoring and tests under one condition."

"Name it." Ela complied, and Sen inwardly groaned.

Her chief was not nearly as concerned for Liara's health as she was for the reputation of Thessia Medical. That much was clear. If word got out that _the_ Liara T'Soni had been in the emergency room, discharged without proper monitoring procedures, and something went wrong...the _galaxy_ would be outraged, and T'Vari's career demolished.

"Grateful as I am for your offer of monitoring my care yourself, I would prefer to remain under the care of Dr. T'Aryn."

"What!?" Sen blurted before thinking... _again_...and Ela's countenance flushed a deep purple with a mixture of indignation and fury. 

"While Dr. T'Aryn is _qualified_ ," Ela stressed the word, twisting it to an insult, "I would suggest, if you continue to insist on refusing my offer, one of our more seasoned specialists."

"Dr. T'Aryn, or I will check out now." Liara countered, rising from the bed, filling the small room with a force of presence that left Sen claustrophobic. 

The chief's lips pursed and she keyed in her omni-tool, seeing at once to the admittance and transfer of Dr. Liara T'Soni to the twelfth floor cardiology department. Liara submitted to the transport by wheelchair with a quite grace and dignity that left Sen stunned after the display of force that cowed her irrepressible chief. 

_Why me?_ She wondered as her chief rounded on her, violet eyes sparking. 

"You understand the importance of this patient, Dr. T'Aryn?" Ela asked and Sen nodded, her shoulders tightening and nostrils flaring as she bit back fifteen angry retorts. "Good. Then you understand the consequences if you are not to be found in her proximity for the duration of her stay."

"Yes, chief."

"Excellent." Ela shook her head. "T'Sonis." She grumbled. "Always so improbably headstrong."

Sen stood there, stunned, as her chief turned on her heel and left. She knew Ela had survived the razing of Thessia during the Reaper War...but until now had no concept of any prior relationship with the T'Soni family. 

_They were powerful before the war...until Matriarch Benezia sundered the family reputation by siding with Saren...until Liara rebuilt it. Goddess. What am I going to do? I'm so bloody tired and now I can't leave...and Mira. How much more of this will **she** be willing to endure? _

Sen straightened and sighed, attempting to ease the kinks out of her back. She retraced the steps she'd taken earlier, sagging against the elevator wall with a baleful glance at the outside world that had been denied her...again. A nurse met her on the twelfth floor and led her to the room where Liara had already been ensconced, and the requisite leads placed to read her heart rhythm for at least a full day and night. Standard procedure for a non-standard patient. 

The nurses left to make their rounds and Sen rubbed her hand along her crest. "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable, Dr. T'Soni?"

"Yes." She smiled. "Call me Liara."

The informality took her aback, and Sen shuffled her feet before staggering to the couch and sitting down in a motion more an exhausted collapse than anything else. 

"You must be very tired." Liara murmured, her voice sounding far too...intimate?...toward a complete stranger. "I apologize for keeping you here, Dr. T'Aryn."

"Sen, please." She extended the courtesy of informality, watching that brief flash of pain cross Liara's eyes again. "And, in truth, I am more concerned by your presence here than my own."

Liara laughed, melodic, soulful, haunting. "Oh, that is quite easy to explain." She smiled, white teeth gleaming in the harsh, artificial light. "It is never wise to complain and admit symptoms while vid-conferencing with an utter mother hen of a krogan clan leader."

_Mother hen..._ Sen fumbled with the description, attempting to place it before giving up, resolving to search out its meaning later. 

"Urdnot Wrex?" Sen asked, letting her curiosity get the better of her before cringing inside, realizing she might have opened a door the esteemed Dr. T'Soni wished closed. 

"The very same." Liara offered that smile again, and Sen felt more at ease. "I take it you know not just the story, but the players therein?" Liara's voice lowered, sounding almost...regretful. 

"I know what was taught." Sen replied, unable to comprehend the melancholy in Liara's eyes, not for an intrusion made, but an opportunity denied? "The names of those who played a part. The major battles. The crew of the Normandy."

Liara nodded, as if expecting the answer. "That...that seems to be all the galaxy cares about now. Who can blame them. After over two-hundred years, most of what remains of the war are the scars in the earth. Very few, save the asari and krogan, are alive who remember that time."

Sen wanted to comfort the matron, but did not know how. Instead, her eyes watched Liara as the asari pulled up the sleeve of the stark white, hospital issue robe, and rested her fingers on a simple black and silver bracelet across her left wrist.

_Liara T'Soni...bonded?_ Sen wracked her memory, attempting to recall the announcement of such a momentous occasion, but could find nothing. _It must have been in secret...and I do not blame her. The shy archaeologist of history, if she still exists, would probably hate the scrutiny, and avoid any revelation of her bondmate for as long as she could._

"I...I apologize if I have brought back any unpleasant memories." Sen apologized, knowing that, no matter the cost, this was the _one_ patient with whom to at least _attempt_ proper bedside manner.

"Not at all." But Liara's voice was not in the room, not even in the century. "But few will ever know of the pleasantness of those times. Krogans want to hear of their battles, turians their prowess, quarians their cunning, asari their wisdom, humans their glory...damnable, damnable glory. And yet, there were...there were beautiful moments between the wretched gouts of horror."

Sen glanced around the room, the collar of her tunic suddenly too tight. She attempted to loosen it, not knowing if she should step fowards into inquiry, or backwards into professional detachment. 

"We have...we have time to dispose of, if you are not averse to conversation." Sen gave Liara the choice, instead of making it herself. "Chief T'Vari forbade me from leaving the hospital during your stay."

"I did not mean for that when I asked for you." Liara murmured, regretful, her brow furrowed again with that emotion that was too much, too soon, for reasons unfathomable. "Forgive me."

Sen waved the contrition away, refraining from gazing at Liara's face, finding her eyes, so open and frank and honest, unsettling. "It's nothing. Truly. You've given T'Vari what she's been looking for since I arrived."

"Which is?" 

"A reason to upend my career." Sen explained, shrugging her shoulders. "She remains prejudiced against an asari still in her maidenhood attempting a matron's career."

"I very much know the feeling." Liara smiled, empathizing with her doctor...another shock to Sen's mind. "Perhaps, then, that is where this story should begin."


	3. Therum - The Beginning of Everything

**Liara**

_Come on, come on! **Work!**_

My fingers danced over the console, attempting to remember those hours spent in a stale room with Professor Lareya's voice lulling me into a catatonic state as she droned on about Prothean technology and its various applications. I tried to draw on that uncaring lassitude, that classroom fugue state, but my hands would not stop shaking as I turned dials and pressed buttons with a speed bordering on frantic. 

A fine whisper of silt danced down the walls and stuck to the sweat on my skin. I wiped my brow, wincing as my fingers came away stained purple with blood. 

_Damn it!_

I scratched around a corroded dial with the edge of my fingernail, willing it to move as I heard the skitterings of the geth, much closer now than they had been moments before. 

_How are there **geth** here!? _The very word set my heart racing, faster than it was already. _They haven't been seen beyond the Veil...ever!_

I continued digging around the dial, attempting to gather enough breath to blow the dirt away. I knew the make of the device, and its intention, but conving the ancient thing to _work_...that was another matter entirely. With a prayer, I twisted the dial, stumbling backward as the console activated with a low, electronic hum. A blue shield flickered in front of me before solidifying into a protective bubble. A shield...or a prison. Whatever the case, I hoped it would keep me safe. 

The sounds in the depth of the ruins were muted now. I could hear only the slight vibrations as the heavier armaments moved through the tunnels. I scoured my mind, trying to remember anything, any warnings that I might have glossed over when I researched Therum. Nothing. Surely someone, somewhere, would have heard of something as outrageous as the geth straying beyond the Perseus Veil. Surely, even though they were not considered a council race, the quarians would have warned the galaxy that their errant creations were running amok. 

_If they knew...but what if they **don't?**_ The thought sent shivers down my spine. 

I stared at the console whose creators brought me here. I paced back and forth, focusing on the light blue glow of the panels, trying to piece together what little information I had. None of it helped. I threw my hands up in despair and wiped away yet more sweat, wincing as my nail grazed the cut on my head, left there by a jagged rock I'd fallen on when I raced deeper into the ruin, trying to escape the geth who'd landed on the surface not an hour ago. 

_Think_ , I forced myself to breathe, to calm the pounding of my heart, to focus. _I need...I need...I need medigel, and water, and my omni-tool. My bag. I need my bag._

I reached for the satchel I always carried, felt nothing, looked up, saw it laying near the console, discarded and unfelt in my hurry. Everything I needed lay just outside my reach. 

"Goddess bless." I spoke aloud without thinking, clapping my hand over my mouth as I realized that the geth, whatever they wanted, whatever they were looking for, might be able to hear me. 

I could do nothing. I'd even removed my omni-tool earlier in the day when reaching into a tight crevice. I had no weapons except my biotics, and they would avail nothing while locked in this bubble. 

_You know just enough, Liara T'Soni_ , Professor Lareya's annoying monotone rang in my thoughts, _just enough to get you into very deep trouble._

It was the truth. The furor of fleeing for my life drained out of me and I collapsed to a heap inside of the bubble, staring at everything I needed outside my reach. Deep beneath the earth, there was little chance my omni-tool would even function, but half a chance was better than none at all. I drew my knees up to my chest and wraped my arms around them, thinking, for the first time in many years, about my mother.

About the argument we'd had before I left for university...

* * *

_"History?" Benezia stares at me and I tremble from the power and focus of her gaze. "Cultural studies? You are shaking, Liara." She frowns. "Such pursuits are admirable. Without knowledge of the past, we cannot look to the future with any sort of clarity."_

_I clench my hands into fists, attempting to prepare myself, to tell the entirety of the truth in front of this imposing being who somehow gave birth to me. I know I am still a child, but it does not preclude me from knowing what I **want**...and that she has the power to take it from me, should she so choose. _

_"Those are simply my introductory courses, mother." I inform her. "I have decided to confine my area of expertise to the study of Prothean society and culture, to discover what knowledge has been lost...and why they themselves vanished."_

_Benezia's nostrils falre, but in her face is that impassive calm she requires for her work. It is why every species listens when she speaks; why even the asari councilor seeks her advice and wisdom._

_"I think you should reconsider this, Little Wing." She offers, but I know it is not a mere request. Perhaps, were it another asari, and not the vaunted Matriarch Benezia, I could take it as such._

_"I will not." I shake my head, trembling as I defy her and her influence over my life for the first time in my memory._

_And my mother laughs. It is not a kind laugh. Not indulgent. Not amused. It is subtle, but I can hear the vibrations of mockery within it...and instead of bringing me low, it serves but to strengthen my flickering resolve. I am done with her mockery._

_"Oh, very well, Liara." Benezia dismisses me, her daughter, with the same wave of her hand that sends away the staff. "Do whatever you feel you must. However, some parting wisdom, my child. Our future, which we must ever look to for survival, cannot all be found in our past. We learn from what came before, but to immerse ourselves within it is to lose ultimate sight."_

_"I...I accept your wisdom, mother." I tell her. "But my decision remains unchaged."_

_Benezia turns and walks from the room. "Time will teach you what I cannot, Liara, and also that which you refuse to learn from me."_

* * *

I huddled in the ancient Prothean shield, dwelling on that conversation as the sounds of footfalls drew nearer and I heard a voice ordering the geth to spread out and search. I bit my lip as my throat went dry and sweat beaded on my forehead in the heat of the tunnels. 

"You win, mother." I whispered, beginning for the first time in my young life to contemplate my mortality...something very few asari in their maidenhood ever did. Even those who became commandos. 

_In searching out the past, I may have sacrificed my future. Benezia...Benezia was right._

Even if this shield protected me from those scouring the tunnels...for whatever reason they had...I lacked food, and, more importantly, water. 

I tried to find courage as I sat there, alone and afraid. "Goddess...help me now."


	4. Therum - Alien Arrival

**Liara**

I had no way to mark the passage of time. All I knew was that quite a bit had passed. This deep beneath the earth, the tunnels did not cool and I continued to sweat. Thirst became a living thing, a viable adversary pitted against me as fear continued to accelerate my heartbeat. 

In vain, I licked my chapped lips, attempting to moisten them. Those who watched me did not notice and could not care. Three geth stood near an old piece of mining equipment, some sort of drill I believed, though it was not my area of expertise. The geth had slipped into the room beneath the one I'd locked myself in, silent as death itself, one staring at me with its single luminous eye.

I shuddered, suddenly cold in the oppressive heat, wondering if I would be dead already if I hadn't encased myself in a biotic bubble. I felt naked beneath the geth's mechanical gaze. Knowing they could not touch me while in this shield did not make my predicament any easier.

_Goddess, what am I enmeshed in now?_ I wondered, hearing faint thuds against the tunnel walls. Through the bubble, I could see a few biotic barriers across the entrances to other tunnels. _It must have been the console...perhaps it activated more barriers than just this one. Which makes me wonder about the original intent of this place, before it became a mine. Was it a bunker, perhaps? A safehouse? A prison?_

I closed my eyes and attempted to focus on a place not _here_. I pictured the warmth of the Thessian sun, the light and gentle breezes, not this stale, oppressive air. Still, I could not remove myself, even with thoughts and memories of home. This situation was too present, too invasive, the eyes of the geth on me too fierce, and the harsh growling voice somewhere in the distance that could only be a krogan. 

I shivered again, hoping that he would not find his way to this level of the mine...krogans lacked the patience to tinker with complicated Prothean technology. The console would receive a shotgun blast, like as not, and who knew what would happen then? 

_In fact...I am shocked this technology still works. If not undone in **precisely** the right manner, it could become unstable and...oh...oh Goddess..._

I refused to look at the console; refused to think of what might be. As of this moment, the barriers were in place and I was safe. 

_Safe,_ I mocked the very thought, even as I tried to convince myself. _Nothing is safe anymore...not even a life digging in the dirt on obscure planets._

I thought of the lives I did not want when I was younger. Most maiden asari chose to travel the galaxy, seeking thrill and excitement and adventure, joining the commandos or signing themselves on as mercenaries, or dancing on exotic worlds for the joy of myriad species. But no. I wanted something different. To find something new, something monumental that would alter the course of history, change everything that we knew about ourselves. In my own way, I'd accepted Benezia's plans for me, to follow in her footsteps of urging the galaxy forward.

_I just...didn't do it the way she wanted. And I will die in this mine. No one will even think to look for me for quite some time...if ever at all. It is not as though mother worries. She stopped doing that years ago. And that is my fault, I suppose. Always trying to be so fierce, so independent. Damn it. Damn it! I am not going to cry! I am **not!**_

In spite of my insistence, my eyes betrayed me. Tears slipped from them, down over my cheeks, trailing through the layers of dirt on my face. I did not want to be here. I did not want the eyes of the geth on me ever watchful. I did not want the broken elevator that would bar me from escaping if the barrier dropped. For the first time ever, I did not desire the life I'd chosen. 

I thought of the stories I read as a child, of great heroes who would swoop in and save those in distress in a grand gesture. They were all tales written by those of other species...especially human literature. The asari had no such stories. We were the oldest race in the known galaxy, the founders of the council. We were our own heroes. Our own salvation. Among the asari, there were no swooning damnsels desperately in need of rescuing. 

_Until now,_ I disparaged myself. _As if my mother needed more than a pureblood daughter to shame her._

So, I sat there, with no way out, no water, no options...and no hero. Time passed and thirst became a _monster_ , sticking in my throat, making my chest hurt, gnawing at the edges of my vision and turning it fuzzy. I thought nothing of it when I heard gunfire, saw the brief flare of muzzle flash in the tunnels...until I heard the smack of incendiary rounds against the armored exoskeletons of the geth. 

They fell before they could return fire, and hope quickened like a fury in my chest. I watched as a squad of three entered the room I'd imprisoned myself in. I recognized a turian, and the two other looked somewhat like asari...except their helmets were not crafted quite right. 

"Up there, commander." The turian saw me first and I backed against the furthest wall of the bubble. 

_Military?_ I wondered. _What are they doing here? Is it because of the geth? Or are they with the krogan? Can I...can I trust them?_

"Ma'am?" A figure in black armor spoke to me. "Ma'am, are you all right?" 

The figure reached up and removed her helmet. A halo of fire poured down and I caught my breath. 

_A human? Is this...are they...what's going on?_

I'd met a few humans, but they were quite rare on the deserted planets my passion called me to. Benezia regarded the entire species with disdain, calling them headstrong and ignorant, prone to using threats when reason would suffice, and violence when a threat would have been enough. She claimed they wanted to rule the galaxy, not simply act as part of it, and from what I'd read and seen of groups like Cerberus...I believed her. The First Contact War was proof of their impulsivity and violent streak. 

"Can you hear me, ma'am?" The human addressed me again. 

Unsure if I could trust them, but knowing I absolutely _could not_ trust the geth, I raised my voice as much as possible. 

"Yes."

"Are you Dr. Liara T'Soni?" 

I nodded my head, but, uncertain if she could see the gesture through the bubble, I forced myself to speak again, ignoring the clawing pain in my parched throat. 

"Yes."

"Okay. I'm Commander Shepard of the Alliance Navy, and a council SPECTRE. Hold tight. We're going to get you out of there."


	5. Therum - Questionable Saviors

**Liara**

_It's worse! How could it be **worse!?**_

I paid little attention to the workings of the galaxy or the council, but I did know that the council would _never_ , under _any_ circumstances, give SPECTRE status to a human. They were too new to the galactic whole; their history incomplete; their status still unrecognized. Of course they were allowed an embassy on the Citadel, and rumors had spread of their quick acclimation to discovering the larger parts of the universe and their rapid integration...but this...this Alliance Navy commander calling herself a SPECTRE? It could not be possible. Councilor Tevos would not allow such a thing, even if her salarian and turian counterparts had caved to the insanity of the notion. 

"Is there a way we can reach you?" The commander called across the distance that separated us, her eyes scanning the area. "The elevator to your level won't function."

I bit my lip, wishing that I did not have to speak again, begging for something to ease the clawing pain in my throat. 

"I don't know." It hurt so much to speak. "There should be another way...but there's a barrier between you and the working elevator."

Commander Shepard turned to the other soldier, whom I now assumed was also human. "Chief? Anything?"

"Dead end, Skipper." A voice amplifier made the reply crackle across to me, and panic sent my heart fluttering again. 

_A faintest of hopes...only to have it dashed._

"Vakarian?" Shepard turned to the turian.

"Given further examination, the mining equipment might break the barrier. I cannot account for the safety of it, however." The turian answered, the sound of his voice comforting.

Turian speech was a remembered cadence, often heard during my travels. Their species were not quick to trust, or to follow just any leader. If this one...this Vakarian...could take orders from this woman, she must have some merit. I struggled with my doubts, attempted to hope again, attempted to think I might be freed and might even...might even find safety. 

"Make it work." Shepard ordered him, terse.

"Dr. T'Soni." She addressed me again, but her tone was much different than before. Not the voice she used to give orders, but not politely conversational either. "We can hash out the formalities later, and rest assured we will do everything we can to get you out of here safely. But I _need_ to know if you have any knowledge of the whereabouts or actions of your mother, Matriarch Benezia."

_What? Mother? Why? Why is a supposed SPECTRE asking about my mother? What has happened in the time I've been away?_

"I haven't spoken to my mother in years!" My volume and urgency increased as I heard the krogan's bellowing from somewhere deep in the tunnels. "Please, _please_ get me out! There are geth all through the tunnels, and a krogan leading them...I do not know _anything_ about my mother, I swear it!"

_Just get me out of here...please...I can't **breathe**! _

The scorching pain in my throat joined forces with the lightheadedness of dehydration and, once again, I felt the threat of tears I could not afford to spill. Not here. Not in front of this woman. She'd asked about Benezia and claimed to be a SPECTRE. If she'd been honest about her work for the council, I could not trust her. I could not trust anyone. In my current condition, I could not even trust myself. 

"Vakarian!" Shepard barked. "Update."

"The equipment here is old, a mining laser, probably abandoned when the mine closed." The turian replied, prompt and efficient...but I did not take him for a soldier. Another SPECTRE perhaps? "But I believe it has enough power remaining for one blast."

"These walls are ancient." The other soldier spoke. "Firing that thing might bring them down. Not to mention the age of the equipment, Skipper. Could blow up and take us with it."

"That true?" Shepard turned ot the turian.

He nodded. "Possible, but an acceptable risk."

"Not to me." The commander muttered, and my heart withered in my chest. She wouldn't take the chance, and I would die here. "Dr. T'Soni, how safe are you in that thing?" She asked, breaking the gloom of my morose reverie.

"I...I don't know." I answered, hating that those words seemed to comprise my entire vocabulary at this moment. 

_I have my doctorate from the oldest university in the known galaxy! I am one of the leading experts in my field! Why can't I find anything other than 'I don't know!?'_

"Move far back as you can and get down." Shepard ordered, and I complied when she raised her weapon. 

The shot fired and crashed against the barrier, the incendiary round exploding as it hit the protective bubble. The energy field renderd it ineffective. The walls around me did not even ripple. 

"That'll have to be good enough." Shepard claimed and turned back to her squad. "Williams, Vakarian, get as far away from the laser as you can. Weapons up, keep me covered. If it punches through that barrier, there might be geth on the other side."

"Aye aye." The other soldiers, Williams, replied, backing away from the mining laser and lifting her rifle against her shoulder. The turian followed suit. 

I watched the commander take the laser and manipulate the controls, trying to comprehend what was happening around me. She'd said the risks were too great...but then asked for my safety and made sure her squad were as far away from the potential danger as possible...taking it upon herself instead of inflicting it on them. 

_But she is their leader...this doesn't make any sense. Perhaps it is the inherent madness of the human species, as Benezia spoke of. Mother, where are you? What have you done? Are you all right?_

"Firing!" Shepard called a warning, entering the final command on the laser's panel. 

The earth bucked, wild and trembling as the laser fired. I heard the sizzle and saw the flash of what I prayed was the barrier that blocked the elevator evaporating. The commander stumbled back from the laser as the ground jerked. I watched from the security of my bubble, unable to do anything as the woman fell to the ground from the shockwave. 

"Go!" She shouted at her squad, pushing herself up to her feet.

Williams and Vakarian rushed through the broken barrier, Shepard following them, her rifle at the ready. I waited, feeling sweat trickle down my back as no sounds of gunfire erupted from below. My nails bit into my palms as I clenched my fists, afraid as I never had been. I felt doomed either way. SPECTREs had full right under galactic law to hold anyone with pertinent evidence to an investigation for as long as they wanted...and to _interrogate_ them however they wished. 

_If she is what she claims...this could go very badly for me._

A shiver slithered down my spine as the working elevator lifted them onto the platform. Commander Shepard strode across it, staring down at the console. 

"All Greek to me." She muttered, and I didn't comprehend the words. She looked up through the visor of her helmet. "A little help, doctor?"

I breathed deep and attempted to find the strength to speak again when Williams interrupted. 

"A word, Skipper?"

"Make it snappy."

"We're relatively safe at the moment." Williams gestured to me with the barrel of her rifle, and I flinched. "Garrus and I can watch the entrances. No better time to investigate than with a captive audience."

"No." I could not stop myself from pleading. "I will go anywhere you like, commander, and answer any of your questions as best I can. But please... _please_ get me out of here."

I hung my head in shame. The daughter of Matriarch Benezia asking a human for help like a whimpering child. Even with my mother's vilification of my chosen profession, I'd never felt so humiliated as I did now. 

"I advise against it, Skiper." Williams warned. "She might be working with the matriarch... _and_ with Saren."

_Saren? Who is...wait...I think I recognize that name?_

At that moment, the earth shifted drastically beneath us, chunks of dirt and rock raining down from the ceiling and pounding off the barrier. 

"The fuck!?" The commander stumbled as a sizeable piece of rock grazed the edge of her helmet. 

"These tunnels are ancient and unstable. Firing that laser may have triggered a seismic event." I warned her, desperate to get out of this _goddess-damned bubble!_ "Please, commander. We need to get out of here."

Shepard punched a code into her omni-tool. "Normandy, this is Shepard. I need an immediate evac planetside at the mine entry coordinates. Do you copy?"

"Roger that." A voice crackled on the other end of the communication. 

"Help me out, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard encouraged, facing the console once more." How do I shut this thing down?"

Feeling that if I spoke once more, my throat would start bleeding, I merely pointed to the various controls, and nodded as the commander...grasped them more quickly than I had. 

"I don't think this is a good idea, Skipper." Williams warned as the bubble began flickering. 

"How much time have you spent underground, Ash?" Shepard asked, her fingers whispering over the ancient Prothean technology with a speed even someone with my expertise could not match. "Enough to know when it might come crashing down around your ears?"

"Well...no... _but_..."

"No arguments then." Shepard snapped, and the threat in her voice made my spine stiffen. "Pretty sure the doc's spent more time in sketchy mines like this than the three of us all told. She says seismic event, we damn well read seismic event, and run like fucking hell. Clear?"

"Crystal." Williams answered, though she did not sound pleased to admit it.

The barrier fell, and at the dissipation of the pressure, I swayed under the influx of fresh air and the return of clear hearing and sight. Strong arms caught me mid-fall, and I looked at the inscrutable black of Shepard's visor. 

"I'm sure you've been through hell down here, doctor." She spoke, low. "But we don't have time to linger. As soon as we hit planetside, I promise you'll be taken care of. Can you hold out 'til then?"

I nodded as the earth trembled once more. 

"Vakarian, take point." Shepard ordered. "Williams, watch our six." The visor loomed over me again. "Stay by me, Dr. T'Soni. We'll be under the sun in no time."

_To what end?_ I asked as I followed them. _Safety? Or something worse than that bubble and the geth? Goddess...Mother... **someone...**_

_...help._


	6. Therum - Emergency Evacuation

**Liara**

We raced through the tunnels, my lungs burning as I attempted to keep up with the punishing pace set by the turian. Commander Shepard remained beside me, her head turning this way and that, scanning for enemies. Every now and again we would hear the mechanical whirrings and footfalls of the geth and my heart would race, wondering if I could even call on my biotics to aid my...companions? Captors? 

_I'm so tired...so weary...I cannot even see straight. Would they even appreciate my help? Williams seems to think I am a threat, but thus far the commander has been...kind...if in a militaristic fashion._

The ground shuddered again and the thud of falling rocks echoed around us. Shepard grabbed me by the arm, rough, and forced me against the tunnel wall as a pile of rocks thundered down, an unsuspecting geth from the level above brought with it. Shepard pulled a pistol from her thigh holster and turned, keeping her body between me and the geth as she fired, hitting the geth in the upper portion of its body, the pistol's lighter ammunition doing nothing but keeping the creature off balance. 

The geth continued to advance through the dust and debris, which, if it obscured my view, obscured the others. I reached deep into my flagging reserves, straining to push through my exhaustion. I reached out with both hands, tracing them along the curved lines of the geth's exoskeleton, hardening my loose biotic field into a stasis. The geth froze and attempted to lift its weapon, faltering as I squeezed tighter around it, ignoring the white haze in my peripheral vision. 

Shepard took advantage of the stasis, holstering her pistol and running forward, grabbing the rifle she'd discarded to save my life. She took aim and felled the geth with a single headshot. The explosion of the incendiary round shredded the weak stasis and I shuddered as it broke. My knees turned to water and I stumbled and sagged against the wall of the tunnel, suffocated, hyperventilating. 

A light tap of gloved fingers on my cheek kept me from surrendering to the white bliss of unconsciousness. 

"Dr. T'Soni?" The commander's voice, tone inscrutable due to the helmet's voice amplifier. "You okay? You with me?"

"I..." I coughed from the dust of the tunnel collapse, "...I think so."

Shepard pulled up a map on her omni. "Vakarian! Williams!" She snapped as she keyed in our location. "Status!"

"Five by five, Skipper." Williams' voice came through the dust as she clambered up the rocks left by the tunnel's collapse. 

_Five what by five what?_ I wondered if there was some human equation that made such a strange statement an accurate assessment of one's well-being. 

"Unharmed, Shepard."

"Keep moving, then." Shepard glanced around. "Eyes peeled. We're almost to the entrance now, but the tremors are getting worse. Dr. T'Soni," her voice changed; even though the amplifier, it was stern, "no more biotics if you can avoid it. You're obviously in rough shape, and my orders are to get you out of here alive."

_To what end!?_

I wanted to demand the information, to know _where_ they were taking me, and why. I'd had no contact with my mother in years...a simple vid call to any of her myriad assistants could have validated that statement. In fact, I imagined her new hires would not even know of my existence, unless it were mentioned to them. 

"Are we clear?" Shepard asked, and I realized that this was not the first time she inquired. 

I managed to nod an affirmative, finding it more and more difficult to breath in the cloying dust from the cave-in.

"Move out!" She ordered, and we resumed the same positions as before, quickening the already murderous pace. 

My legs were trembling and I fought to keep breathing, to ignore the white haze in my eyes that kept growing larger. I clenched my hands into fists and kept walking, determined to get out of here, at the very least. Then, if given time, I could somehow try to sort out this absurd situation and translate it into something that made sense. 

When we reached the top level of the mine, I was shaking, covered in sweat, breathing in labored, sharp gasps. The turian slowed as we approached the entrance and we struggled to keep our balance as the earth shuddered again. I looked up, fear rocketing through me as I saw the krogan whose voice I'd heard barring the entrance, flanked by four geth. 

"Thank you, human." The krogan spoke, derisive, "But I believe I can escort the young doctor from here."

"Not a fucking chance." Shepard answered, a resolve in her voice that warmed me...and discomfited me. Just because she would not relinquish me to the krogan did not mean she did not have her own plans for me. "Tell you what. Back off now, and I _might_ just let you chance it with this earthquake. Make me fight, and I'll bury you."

The krogan laughed and it sent chills skittering down my body. "You dream of such glory as killing me." He scoffed.

"You working for Saren?" Shepard crossed her arms and rested her weight on one leg, a position of casual comfort...not prepared for a standoff with a dangerous enemy. It worried me. 

"Don't waste my time." He growled. 

"Down!" Shepard roared as a geth read a signal from the krogan battlemaster and fired the rocket launcher on its shoulder, firing directly at the commander. 

She jumped away, catching me around the waist and tackling me to the ground. Pain pierced my chest as my breath rushed out and I could not seem to draw more. The thunder of the explosion rang painful in my hearing, and more rocks rained down on us from the new crater in the already weakening soil. 

"Stay down, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard ordered. "If you can, shield yourself. Clear?"

I nodded as I struggled to breathe, finally finding air. Shepard rolled away and got to her feet, shouting orders. 

"Vakarian, the launcher! Williams... _FUCK!_ " She staggered backwards as a bullet ripped across the edge of her helmet, leaving a weal of silver across the matte black finish. "Get the damn sniper!" She finished the order, shaking her head and pulling yet another weapon, this time a shotgun, from the holster at her back.

"Krogan's mine!" She shouted.

_A human against a krogan?_ My gut twisted at the thought. _It's an impossible contest...she'll be killed!_

I only cared because, at the moment, I felt safer with her than anyone allied with the geth. I knew of their rebellion, their mindless violence against their creators, and the havoc wreaked on the quarians...their entire homeworld conquered and denied them forever. If they were in league with this...this Saren... _why can I not remember how I know that name!_...then he must be bent on some sort of massive destruction. 

I watched the squad of three move against their opponents. The turian must have been an expert marksman, because no more rockets flew through the air. The ground jerked beside me as a bullet sped into it, and I fought through the pain to throw a biotic shield around myself, forcing my eyes to remain open, to know the outcome of the battle. 

Gunfire echoed through the tunnels while the earth shuddered with frightening regularity. If this fight did not end soon, all of us would find our graves in the mines of Therum. 

Through the haze of smoke and dust, I watched Shepard run in close to the krogan, firing her shotgun; the blasts barely knocked his massive body backwards, his armor protecting him. He reached out and grabbed her by the arm, pulling her against him, pressing the muzzle of his gun aginst her head. For a moment, the world stood still. I saw the krogan's grip loosen the slightest bit as the ground tremored. Shepard capitalized on it, letting her knees collapse as the krogan fired. She pulled a knife from her boot and rammed it hard into the krogan's leg. 

He roared in rage and pain and brought the but of his weapon down on Shepard's shoulder. I winced, knowing that if her armor were not strong enough, bones would be broken by that blow. But she shrugged it off and rose up, knocking the gun from his hand, pulling her pistol, and firing it into his mouth two...three...seven times. 

I cringed as the krogan fell to the dirt...the back of his head missing. 

"Report!" Shepard barked as she ran towards me. 

"Geth are down for the count." Williams answered as I dropped my shield and reached up, my grasp weak in Shepard's hand. "Garrus got winged by the sniper, but it's a flesh wound."

"Doctor?" Shepard asked, levering me to my feet. "You good? Can you walk?"

"With help." I rasped, and she immediately slung my arm around her shoulders, helping me towards the exit as more rock rained down from above. 

I struggled to keep pace, even with her assitance, and I wanted this day to end, this nightmare to be over. 

"More barriers, Shepard." Vakarian spoke, eyeing the entrance to the mine, and the surface beyond. 

"Damn it." Shepard pulled me closer, working her arm around to key in her omni. "Normandy, Shepard. ETA?"

"We need your ass on deck, commander." I heard a distinctly masculine voice over the comlink. "This whole planet is about to go up...that seismic activity...it's a volcano."

As if we needed a reminder, the earth trembled violently, and I would have fallen if Shepard hadn't shored me up. More rocks crashed down and Shepard tucked my head aginst her chest, shielding me from the debris. When she looked up, the barriers had been demolished by the falling rocks.

A ship flew in front of the entrance, blocking the light. It dropped the ramp. Williams reached it first, Garrus second, and Shepard brought up the rear, almost carrying me. 

"Too close, commander." The voice from the comlink issued over the intercom as the ship pulled away. "Ten more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

"Duly noted." The commander's voice was dry, a bit pained, and I wondered if she'd been injured worse than it seemed. "Get us out of here, Joker."

"Roger that, ma'am."

The white at the edges of my vision began flashing and I sagged against the commander, my legs threatning to give out.

"Dr. T'Soni?" She asked, pulling me up, holding me steady. "Dr. T'Soni? Talk to me, 'kay, I need you awake..."

The horror and stress, the dehydration and exhaustion, all collided together and spun into a roaring fury. I tried to focus, to keep my balance; tried to answer her...failed as the world went white. 


	7. Normandy - Surrounded by Strangers

**Liara**

"How is she?" I heard a voice close by, no longer muddled by a helmet's amplifier.

It was strong, soothing, and unlike the voice of any species I'd heard before. Low and rich, the question permeated the room, seeming to hold it still. I kept my eyes closed, thinking it best to hear what I could, to discover all information possible before whatever was going to happen transpired. 

"Quite well, commander." A new voice, lightly accented, and from the similar cadence to the commander and Williams...I assumed she was also human. "Dehydration and exhaustion, but nothing that rest and fluids will not cure. The laceration on her forehead was minor, and scans revealed no injury. Now, stop stalling and take your shirt off."

"I'm fine." Shepard countered, quickly enough that I doubted the assessment.

"Pfft. On the exam table, now." The other woman ordered, and I wondered at her audacity.

_Surely Commander Shepard is the highest ranking aboard this ship...especially if she is a SPECTRE. Who aboard this craft would have permission and authority to order her around?_

"Is this necessary?" Shepard asked, and her companion chuckled. 

"Regulations state that a physical checkup is mandatory after any sort of action incurred in the field, Shepard. You know this as well as I, and try as you might to plead the ever-busy status of rank and station, I can overrule that with a single signature. Chief Williams and even Garrus Vakarian submitted to an examination; you shall be no different. _Especially_ when I've been informed that you took a bullet across your helmet and a blow to your back, from a krogan, no less."

"More a love tap, less a blow." Shepard muttered, and I did not know if it was safe to show the smile I wanted to indulge. 

_A direct hit from a krogan...I do not know the exact connotations of a "love tap", but I can hear the dismissal in her voice...as though the blow meant nothing. Perhaps humans are braver, stronger than Benezia allowed._

"And the reason you have not yet taken a seat on my exam table and removed your shirt would be?" The woman asked, and I assumed she was the ship's medical officer.

"Dr. Chakwas, you wound me." Shepard teased, confirming my suspicion. "Surely a prolonged stay in your company is a decent reason."

"You always insist on avoiding my company, commander. I cannot trust the veracity of your statement. Shirt. Off."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Shepard replied, and I heard the pull of a zipper.

Dr. Chakwas hissed, and I heard the click and whirr of an omni-tool's medical scan. "No trauma to the brain, no broken bones...but some rather extensive deep tissue bruising. You got off light this time, Shepard. Anti-inflammatories, and take it easy...easy being no more _love taps_ , if they can be avoided."

"Told you I was fine." The commander dismissed the orders. "I'm more worried about Dr. T'Soni. You sure she's okay?"

_Why all this concern?_ I wondered, debating on whether or not to open my eyes. I decided against it, in favor of more information. _There are no boundaries a SPECTRE cannot cross. If she so chose, she could have tortured and interrogated me the instant we arrived...but I am apparently in the medical bay, being tended to by the ship's doctor._

"For the _hundredth_ time, Shepard, Dr. T'Soni suffered no permanent damage that medigel, intravenous fluids, and a shower cannot remedy. Is there a particular reason for your concern, commander?"

Shepard breathed deep. "She saved my life, Karin. I only had my pistol on me, and it did as much damage as throwing pebbles at the geth...I'll have to get it modded and fix that. Regardless, Dr. T'Soni held the damn thing in a stasis field until I could recover my rifle."

Dr. Chakwas made a noise that sounded like surprise and concern. "She held a biotic stasis...in her condition?"

"Yep."

"That is...that is impressive to say the least." Dr. Chakwas admitted. "I doubt Lieutenant Alenko could perform such a feat, and his prowess with biotics is nothing short of respectable. But there's a question in your eyes, Shepard. Why is this troubling you so greatly?"

"There's not much information out there about Dr. T'Soni. Some published papers, a captivating thesis about the life and extinction of the Protheans...but not much else about _her_. I don't know about you, doc, but when I hear 'archaeologist', I think of someone quiet and bookish and subdued...not a biotic dynamo?"

_She...she's read my work? I would have expected her to read a dossier, or something of that nature...but for her to go so far as to read my thesis and theories on the Protheans, their galactic legacy and disappearance? I do not know whether to be relieved...or yet more frightened. Who **is** this commander? _

"Perceptions have been challenged since discovering the galaxy." Dr. Chakwas allowed. "We are not alone any longer...though it is amusing to find the woman who survived Akuze pondering the improbability of survival against all odds, no matter the situation."

"Karin..." I recognized a tone of warning, even from a foreign species. 

"Do they still hurt, Shepard?" The doctor asked, and I could not resist opening my eyes, just a little, hoping to see what Dr. Chakwas referenced. 

Instead, I got a view of a white lab coat and nothing more as the sound of a furious zipper being pulled up pierced the air with more ferocity than a bullet. 

"That matter is _not_ up for discussion, Karin." The thud of boots against the floor, the swish of a ship's door opening. "Notify me when she wakes up. We'll need to talk."

"Shepard, are you certain..."

"There will be witnesses, Karin. I may be a SPECTRE due to Udina's dreams and the council's madness, but I don't intend to terrify the poor woman. I have no idea how long she'd been in that damn bubble, and that's torture enough, don't you think?"

"I couldn't agree more." The doctor turned back to the bed in which I lay, and I caught a glimpse of...compassion...and something like regret in her warm, blue-green eyes. 

She smiled as she saw my eyes open, and the expression warmed me, a universal gesture of comfort, no matter the race, no matter the people...except perhaps the vorcha. 

"Do not try to speak yet, Dr. T'Soni." Dr. Chakwas warned, taking a cup from the bedside table, and holding a straw between my lips. "I am Karin Chakwas, chief medical officer aboard the Normandy. How are you feeling, dear?"

I drank the water, grateful as it eased the tightness in my throat. "Better." I rubbed my forehead and frowned as I felt the grit still present from the time spent in the mines. 

"Good." Karin smiled again. "You are recovering from borderline severe dehydration. The commander would like to speak to you, when you feel up to it." 

"I'm fine." I said, quick, eager to get the information I needed, the answers to the questions that plagued my unconsciousness. 

"My dear, we may have just met, but I am as prone to disbeliving that statement from you as I am our intrepid commander." The statement stung, and I did not know what to make of her familiarity with me. "At least allow yourself some rest, and a proper shower. No need to face the music until you are well."

_Face the music...five by five...what peculiar idioms._

"But I...I thought the commander wished to speak as soon as possible." I stammered, wanting to make clear to my captors and saviors that I did not intend to cause trouble...or give them cause to incarcerate me. I needed to position myself well in order to be told the truth. 

"Commander Shepard does not comprehend the word 'recovery' as it is understood the galaxy over. No need to ascribe to her ridiculousness straight away. Get some rest, Dr. T'Soni, and let me allay your fears...you, my dear, are in the safest place in the galaxy."

"The...the Normandy?" I asked, unsure of what she meant. 

"No." Karin turned, her chin-length grey hair swaying. "Under the protection of Commander Shepard. No harm will come to you here."

_I want to believe you, Dr. Chakwas...but I cannot. There is so much...so much I do not yet know._


	8. Normandy - Joining the Crew?

**Liara**

I stepped out of the shower, relieved to be clean at last, free from the dirt and sweat and tears of Therum. Dr. Karin Chakwas had been kind enough to let me use the shower available in the med bay, where I had more privacy. She cited my comfort as the reason...but I could not help but believe the worst. Many humans did not take kindly to discovering they were not alone in the galaxy. 

Tales of the First Contact War between the humans and turians raced through my mind as I dressed in my clothes, which Dr. Chakwas had been kind enough to order washed and dried. Although the human diplomats upheld that they did no wrong, that the turians fired first, it did little to preserve the image presented to the turians and to the council races as a whole. 

Xenophobia...a word once foreign to the council races, became an ill-fitting norm, and I feared it was this trait of humanity that Dr. Chakwas sought to preserve me from. I shuddered, wondering if the commander herself shared this notion, this fear, and if the meeting I was soon to enter would reveal any viable proof. Apparently, Shepard's patience wore thin, and I had been summoned. 

"Dr. T'Soni?" I heard a somewhat familiar voice, low and dulcet, somewhat rough. "The commander has asked me to escort you."

I opened the door and attempted to smiel at the turian, wondering why he had been sent for me...on a human ship, surely the commander would have sent one of her own. Unless...this turian was a member of her crew. Relationships were still strained between the two races, and I could not imagine an alliance so easily forged. 

"Garrus Vakarian." He smiled, a gesture always somewhat unsettling from a turian. 

"I...I remember." I answered, falling in step as he led me through the med bay doors and into the ship itself. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked, an obvious attempt to make conversation. 

_Will he report my responses to the commander?_ I ignored him briefly as I stood in awe of the technology and beauty surrounding me. I could not even hear the ship's engines, and the sound of our footfalls rang much quieter than aboard a normal ship. _Is this even a military vessel?_

"Dr. T'Soni?" Garrus drew my attention again. 

"Oh...forgive me. I am much better, thank you." I felt my cheeks heat with shame. 

_Mother would be appalled by me losing my head in a potentially dangerous situation. I must keep my awareness, no matter what._

Garrus entered a sequence of numbers onto a keypad and the door flared open. He led me into what could only be a conference room. I stood on the threshold, examining my surroundings, confused by what I saw. There were only two humans in attendance, seated in chairs that had been arranged in a circle. The other seats were filled by a krogan, a quarian, and...Garrus. 

"Dr. T'Soni, welcome." Commander Shepard spoke from behind me and I jumped, startled as she moved through the door with an easy, lanky grace. "I do apologize for wresting you from the med bay. I trust Dr. Chakwas cleared you to join us?"

I forgot my voice again as I saw the commander's face for the first time. She stood at least six inches taller than I, with a body carved from rock. The informal military uniform she wore did little to hide the toned musculature of her arms and shoulders, the taper of her slim waist, or the swell of her breasts. Her features were quite angular, sharply edged in a way an asari's could never be. High cheekbones, a square, though feminine, jaw, and a straight nose that ended in an artistic point. Her hair, that distinct, fiery color, was cut in much the same way as Dr. Chakwas', but instead of being straight, like the ship's physician, it flowed in soft, gentle waves. 

Her eyes arrested mine and I bit back a gasp. A pure grey...not muddled by any hues of blue or green, and so bright they could almost be considered... _what was the name of that precious metal from earth...silver? Goddess...they're lovely._ Only one thing kept me from gazing into those eyes--the scar. A single, thick line that marred skin as pale as the sand of Thessia's beaches. It started at her hairline on the right side and bisected her face, cutting across the bridge of her nose, grazing the left corner of her mouth, flowing down and disappearing beneath her jaw. 

_Like a burning tear fell and flowed down her skin._

She cleared her throat, pulling me back into the present moment. 

"Yes...Dr. Chakwas has been very kind. Thank you, commander." I managed to speak, finding it hard to tear my gaze from her face, her eyes, that _scar_.

"Shepard." She replied, unexpected informality breaking my guard. "Only those two," she jerked her chin at the other two humans, "have to call me commander. Garrus chooses to...something to do with being a turian, I suppose."

The words were said in a low voice, with a soft hint of...humor, perhaps? I did not know enough to humanity to understand.

"Please, take a seat." She offered the sole empty chair in the room, which I presumed was hers. "We might be here a while."

_How long is a while?_

"I am pleased to announce that Liara T'Soni has been cleared of all suspicion." Shepard spoke, turning her silver--there could be no other description for them--eyes to mine. "Forgive me, doctor, but I used my SPECTRE status to pull all of your communication records for the last three years. As you stated, you have had no contact with Matriarch Benezia for at least that period of time. As of now, the Alliance and Council have cleared you of any collusion with her."

"Commander Shepard," I could not refrain from speaking out, "I do not understand what is happening. Why has the council sent a SPECTRE to look for me...and...and _colluding_ with my mother? I have no knowledge of her actions. What has she done to incur suspicion? Please...please tell me what is going on?"

"We have a vetted voice-ident of your mother speaking with former SPECTRE Saren Arterius." Shepard spoke, and my memory at last functioned, recalling where I had heard that name. "Saren has betrayed the galaxy and is working with the geth. I, and all assembled," Shepard gestured to the others, "have been charged with apprehending him and keeping him from his end goal."

"Do you even know this end goal?" I asked, wondering why any sane turian would ally with the geth, especially knowing their history. 

Shepard crossed her arms and rested her weight on one leg, the same posture she had adopted in front of the krogan battlemaster and the geth. 

"Yes...and no." She admitted. "This is where we could use your expertise, Dr. T'Soni, if you would be so kind as to lend it to us. Saren is searching for something called the Conduit. We believe it to be..."

"Ancient Prothean technology." I interrupted as my heart began racing. 

_If mother is in danger...from Saren or Shepard...I have to help. I have to stay with them...and if they are seeking information on the Protheans...no one knows that history better than I._

"You've heard of it then?" Williams asked, her eyebrows lowering over narrowed, dark eyes. 

"Is has appeared a few times in my research." I offered, determined to help them, at least for a time. Benezia was many things, and brilliant was indeed one of them. I would need more resources than I had available to me to locate and help her...and if my travels revealed more about the Protheans, then I could not resist. "I am willing to help however I may."


	9. Normandy - Clarification and Misconceptions

**Liara**

"Exactly how much research have you done on the Protheans, Dr. T'Soni?" The human male asked, leaning forward in his seat, his brown eyes bespeaking intelligence...and a history of pain.

_Are all humans so transparent?_

"Easy, Alenko." Shepard warned. "This is a Q and A session for our own edification, not an interrogation. Understood?"

The center of Alenko's brow creased, and I assumed the gesture was of frustration. 

"It is quite all right." I spoke, attempting to ameliorate what might become an unpleasant situation. "The..." I stumbled as I looked at his uniform, unable to discern his rank. 

"Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, doctor." He smiled, and I felt I'd managed to do _something_ right.

"Lieutenant Alenko is perfectly within his rights to question my qualifications, commander." I addressed Shepard, feeling that her curtailing of his behavior was for my comfort, not because she did not desire the same answers. I turned back to the lieutenant. "I have a doctorate in cultural studies, anthropology, and archaeology, and I have focused solely on the Protheans for the last fifty years."

"Fifty years?" Lieutenant Alenko sat quickly back in his seat, whistling low between his lips. 

"How old _are_ you, Dr. T'Soni?" The commander asked, the chill of her eyes landing on me. Something about their color, I supposed...it did not warm. 

"You...you did not find that out when you pulled my communication records?" I asked, attempting to buy time before I disgraced myself before her crew...and revealed my youth. 

"I did what I had to do, Dr. T'Soni...much as I'd like to take you at face value, that's not a game the galaxy plays." Shepard replied, her voice low...seeming almost hurt, but not offended. "I only looked where I needed to. Nowhere else."

I bit the ege of my lip, wondering if I should lie, to manipulate the situation in my favor, as Benezia surely would have me do. But, I looked at the commander's face, attempting to sense any form of deceit, any machinations...and finding none. 

_Return honesty for honesty...is that safe?_

My cheeks burned again. "It shames me to say this, commander, but I am...I am only one hundred and six."

"Damn." Williams whistled through her teeth. "I heard the asari age gracefully, but...damn. What's your secret, doc?"

I clenched my hands into fists and lowered my head, afraid that any hope I had of gaining their respect had departed. 

The krogan grunted, and a smile played over his features. "They're human, blue." He addressed me in the low, guttural voice ubiquitous to his kind. "Kinda shocks 'em a little bit, hearin' 'bout species that live longer. Narrow minds and all that." He looked at Williams, who seemed offended, then to Shepard, who wore a smirk. "A hundred and six may sound old, but to my kind, and her own, she's barely a kid."

_Kid...that isn't a krogan term? Human, perhaps? Yet another item to add to my list of idioms to research...my head hurts._

"That notwithstanding," I shot the krogan a glare and beseeched the commander, "I am _quite_ knowledgeable in my chosen field...though many of my theores have been disregarded due to my age, they are not lacking in validity, I can assure you."

"We're grasping at straws here, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard spread her hands and my head continued spinning with the barrage of new linguistic nuances. "Anything you tell us will be helpful."

I took a deep breath and launched into the realm of my expertise, hoping that the commander spoke true, and that my help would warrant theirs in return. 

"Fifty thousand years ago, the Prothean race disappeared from the galaxy. Over time, and various wars, much of their research was forgotten, though enough remained to...well...I'm certin you are aware."

Kaidan grinned. "It's no secret that the Prothean tech found on Mars put humanity on the galactic map."

"Perhaps the worst mistake they could have made." Garrus purred, and I knew from his inflection that he jested, but William's glared at him with nothing less than fury. The commander, however, showed no sign of taking either side, or entering the unspoken fray. Instead, she focused on me. 

"What's your theory, Dr. T'Soni?" She asked. "I've compiled one myself, but I would appreciate your take on the matter." Her words were non-confrontational, but they slashed at my pride. 

"With all respect, commander, I have studied in this field longer than you have been alive." I did not mean to snap, but my words emerged clipped, harsher than I intended. However, I pressed forward. "I have heard every theory proposed, and though mine has been laughed out of academic journals, and even face to face conversations with my colleagues, I can assure you that it is correct. I have traversed the galaxy, attaining every piece of information left available...for such an advanced race, the Protheans left almost nothing behind...almost as if whatever made them disappear eradicated all evidence of their existence."

"That does seem somewhat odd, I won't deny." Shepard nodded. 

"Like a criminal sanitizing the scene." Garrus summarized, and I wondered if his background was in law enforcement instead of military.

"Regardless," I asserted myself back into the conversation, though it made me uncomfortable to do so, "there are hints that they were not the first highly advanced species to disappear in such a manner. Their records, though fragmented, indicate that this form of...mass disappearance...has occurred before. It moves in cycles, commander...and this is not the first time it has happened, or been discovered."

"Who came before the Protheans?" Shepard asked, and I pursed my lips.

"I...I do not know." I unclenched my fists. "There is simply not enough evidence of _who_ came before, hence the derision I have faced in my short career. But I know, commander, beyond doubt, that I am correct. The evidence, if anecdotal, fragmented, and subverted, _is_ there."

"Sounds like a great galactic conspiracy theory to me, Shepard." Williams crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat. "I wouldn't buy into it."

"Does _anybody_ have a better idea?" Shepard asked, and no one answered. No one made a sound. "I thought not. Therefore, I'm more willing to _trust_ the theory of an experienced researcher than a fucking cricket chorus any day. Forgive the interruption, Dr. T'Soni. Please continue."

_Cricket chorus? What in the goddess' name is a cricket?_

"The galaxy currently exists in a cycle of extinction." I continued. "The advances made by the Protheans, upon which your species," I glanced at the commander, cleared my throat, and moved forward, "and _all_ species, have built their cultures--the Mass Relays, the Citadel--all of these advances were _not_ engineered by the Protheans, merely founded on the technology of a race that came before them. And that race made the same advances based on the culture before them, going back farther than we can fathom."

"Human history the galaxy over, really." Shepard mused. "Persia beaten back by Greece, Greece conquered by Rome...each empire absorbing and augmenting the characteristics of their own culture with things learned from the other."

"I...I think so." i shook my head, knowing little to nothing of Earth's history, only that it was strewn with conflict and war. 

"Whatever the case," Kaidan steered us back to the topic at hand, "the Protheans are gone."

"Yes." I agreed. "And, although I have no idea why, I have dedicated my life to discovering it. We cannot move forward unless we know the mistakes made by those who came before."

"I can help you with that, Dr. T'Soni." Shepard said, jolting me from my present thoughts. "The Protheans were extinguished from the galaxy by a race of sentient machines...known as the Reapers."

_How...how do you know this? Or are you...are you toying with me? there is no way possible that she knows more of the Protheans than I...but the confidence with which she speaks...I do not believe her to be lying._

"Reapers?" I asked. "I...I have never come across this term? How...how do you know this; what is the basis of your theory?"

"Before we launched on this _strange_ little mission of ours," Shepard spoke, "I was sent to Eden Prime to investigate a Prothean beacon left behind there. There was an...an incident. Some sort of information transfer took place...stamped a damn vision in my brain. I've been trying to sort it out, but it's all chaos."

My heart raced as I looked at this woman in an entirely new light. My research had revealed that the Protheans possessed a way of transferring information from mind to mind, much in the same way of an asari mind meld. Their beacons could store this information and transfer it to any who connected with it. And, I could only assume, due to the control and strength necessary to meld, that the Protheans were much the same way. Humans possessed no such abilities...to transfer information like that, so suddenly and with no preparation...it would be so _invasive_. So _**painful**_ _._

"You were touched by working Prothean technology?" I asked, amazed. "How...how are you...how did you _survive_? Forgive me, commander, but your neurosystem is not equipped to handle that level of...psychic bombardment."

"I didn't say I did it on purpose." Shepard rubbed the back of her neck. "Just that it happened. There are snapshots...pictures...smells, screams. All I know is that when destruction came...it's name was Reaper. At least...that's what the Prothean's called them. Seems as good a name as any."

"This is fascinating." I rose from my seat before I could remember my control. "If the images from the beacon truly did imprint on your brain, then surely they can be researched anew, perhaps a sense of coherency from the vision can be gathered. Commander, I realize this is highly unprecedented, but perhaps, if we were to meld, I could help you translate what you've seen."

Williams looked at Kaidan. "Scal _pel_." She quipped, chopping up the end of the word, and the lieutenant laughed.

"You want to dissect my brain, doc?" Shepard asked, that mysterious smirk on her lips. 

"N...no." I stuttered, realizing I must look the fool. "I simply want to..." _...invade your mind, link our consciousness, and discover more about the Protheans than **anyone** has previously uncovered. Goddess...I must sound ridiculous...and humans know so little of assari and their melds...did I...did they think I just propositioned the commander? _

"I simply want to help you, in any way I can." I nodded, hoping I could recover from this apparent slip.

" _Any_ way?" Kaidan asked, and my cheeks flushed purple with shame. My offer had indeed been misconstrued as something...perverse. 

" _ **LT!**_ _"_ Shepard barked and Alenko stiffened. "This is not the time or place for that shit! Please, Dr. T'Soni, excuse the reprehensible behavior of my subordinate. However, I also hope you'll forgive me if my knowledge on the asari is lacking. Would you be so kind as to elaborate?"

"It...it would be a simple exchange of information, commander." I offered and clarified. "I would...I would like our nervous systems, bond my mind with yours, and you would show me the memories of the vision. My expertise might elucidate what you cannot piece together."

"Nothing...intimate?" She asked, and I became flustered as her eyes chilled my skin once more. 

"No." I murmured, weak. "Nothing."

_I have not melded with anyone...save my mother and biotic instructor...and even then, those were **far** different melds than the one I am proposing. I do not know if I could even succeed...but I **have** to try! _

"I don't like it, skipper." Williams rose. "Who know what she could do to you in a meld? They link minds and nervous systems...who's to say there's no chance of subliminal messaging, or even outright mind control? I don't care if her communications records were clear, you are _vital_ to this mission, and you shouldn't take this risk."

Shepard's brow pinched and she looked from me to Williams, then to Kaidan. She read something in their eyes or their body language and sighed. "I am afraid I am going to have to refuse your offer, Dr. T'Soni." She spoke, and I watched Williams and Alenko visibly relax. "I have to make a report to the council and inform them that you," she looked at me, "are safe, and of what we've uncovered. Dr. T'Soni, if you would return to the medbay and wait for me there, I'll join you shortly and see to your accomodations while on board. Crew, dismissed."

Everyone rose and Shepard left the room, leaving me confused. She herself had not seemed averse to the notion of a meld, but something her squad said deterred her. I _did_ wish to help, and not only because I needed them to find Benezia...but now, because there was more information on the Protheans than I previously thought existed, and I _had_ to know. 

Insatiable curiosity was ever my downfall...or so Benezia told me. Perhaps she was right. After all, it was why I nearly perished in a volcanic eruption on Therum...and now it would be why I would attempt to convince an Alliance officer, a human, and a council SPECTRE...to meld with me. 


	10. Normandy - A Short History of Beacon Exposure

**Liara**

"Dr. T'Soni," Kaidan caught my attention as the others left the room, the krogan's footfalls making the floor beneath us tremor, "allow me to escort you back to the med bay?"

"Is it truly so unsafe for an asari on board?" I asked the question that plagued me since the commander brought me onto the ship. "Seeing as there is obviously a large alien presence aboard this vessel, I would have thought it were safe."

Kaidan pursed his lips and nodded. "It is and it isn't...you weren't exactly brought here under the best of circumstances. Garrus volunteered for the mission, as did Wrex, the krogan, and Tali...the quarian...she is on her pilgrimage. The commander asked her aboard due to her considerable technical expertise."

"So they came vetted and approved by the commander and crew." I mused, wondering how difficult it would be to insinuate myself here properly. 

Kaidan chuckled as we walked from the room. "They came approved by the commander." He answered. "And, truth be told, the crew is more afraid of her than they are the krogan."

Something about his words triggered a sense of...wrongness. The commander had been nothing but kind and gracious since my arrival. Though...from what I'd read, it seemed that humans possessed a naturally duplicitous nature. 

_Will I ever find my way clear here?_ I wondered. _It seems impossible to ascertain the truth of anything...the information, the people. If I cannot find these things out, if I cannot learn their customs and the intricacies of their speech, I will be truly lost._

"Is she truly so frightening?" I asked, remembering how she faced down a krogan battlemaster with supreme nonchalance and incredible skill. 

I personally found that skill...reassuring. Though, if I attempted to view it from another perspective, I could see how it would be intimidating. How such a strength could inspire fear. 

"To some." Kaidan replied as we walked through the med bay door. He leaned against one of the beds and crossed his arms, looking off into some distance. "Others of us find her...inspirational. But, she's different, and even command was not pleased at her inclusion of the aliens, though she doesn't have to care all that much about their griping due to SPECTRE status."

"I had wondered about that." I allowed. "She truly is a SPECTRE then?"

Kaidan nodded. "The first one, and the finest humanity had to offer, I guess."

He sounded bitter, and I did not understand why. Unless he harbored...some sort of affection for the commander, and did not like the danger inherent in the SPECTRE title.

He turned to me, his warm brown eyes swimming with heat and emotion, so unlike the cold silver of his commander. "Do you...do you really think that meld thing will help her, Dr. T'Soni?"

"It...it might." I shrugged, wondering why he, who had not seemed a proponent of the notion, would inquire further about it. "If nothing else, I could at least attempt to decipher the vision left there by the Prothean beacon."

"Could it...could it offer any sort of peace?" He asked. 

My eyes widened and I spread my hands, confused at his line of inquiry. "I cannot say I know, lieutenant. I have never performed the meld with one of your species, and so I cannot, with any accuracy, tell you of the potential effects, if even there are any. Why, may I ask, do you inquire?"

"That...that damn beacon almost tore her _apart_." Kaidan set his jaw and pursed his lips, looking anywhere but at me, and I sensed that somewhere, perhaps deep within him, a war was waging. "And it's my fault, Dr. T'Soni. I saw and activated the damn thing...she pushed me out of the way and took the hit, because that's the kind of woman she is."

"She does display remarkable bravery." I felt I needed to say something, to give credence to the grief in his voice.

"I...I can't do anything to _help_ her." His entire body was so rigid I feared it might snap. "I've tried talking to her about it, you know, offering to listen and try to understand, but she won't take it."

"It is unfortunate that such a thing happened." I nodded my head, thinking of the ramifications of what Shepard endured. "The Protheans did not intend for any other but their own species to interact with their technology, and there are so few cases of transfer. It is possible, Lieutenant Alenko, that even an asari might be ripped apart by exposure."

Kaidan's shoulders slumped, and I knew I'd said something wrong, something to cause him more pain. I scrambled for something to say, trying to find a way to cover my misstep, but I could find nothing. 

"Shepard is never still, Dr. T'Soni." The lieutenant looked at me, lonely, lonely eyes staring into mine. "She screamed so loud when it hit her...she was unconscious for eighteen hours after. Dr. Chakwas told me that the brain scans indicated that Shepard was probably in pain the whole time, and able to feel all of it. It should've been me, damn it. And I know it's still hurting her. I know she's been having nightmares..."

"How?" I wondered aloud. "Has she...has she told you as much?"

"No." Kaidan shook his head. "Who knows, it might be a human thing, but I can _tell_. I--I have them too. I know the signs, and no matter how much of a mask she wears, I can see it eating at her. So, if you think you can help her...please, please do."

"It must be unpleasant to ask this of me." I attempted to allow room for his emotions, to rectify what mistakes I'd made already in this conversation. 

"Yeah. It is." He admitted, and the words stung even though I permitted them. "But I can't do anything, and Shepard won't take the meds, even if they do help somewhat. Besides," he looked at me, and his eyes were no longer warm, "if you can help her out, it might go a long way towards ingratiating yourself with the crew."

"So there is animosity here." 

"Not from me." He shook his head. "I'm grateful for any help in this great galactic snafu."

_What in the void is a snafu?_

"But the others..."

"I'm sure you saw the tension between Chief Williams and Garrus." Kaidan asked, and I nodded. "There's a lot of humans aboard who haven't worked closely with aliens. The commander being one of them...but she's not a xenophobe at least."

"And you, lieutenant?" I questioned him. "What makes you so different?"

"I'm a biotic." He informed me. "L2 implants...I was one of the first humans exposed to element zero who actually...survived. Humans still don't have much experience with biotics, so I had alien trainers."

"I...I see."

"You're trying, I think." He offerd a soft smile as consolation, leaving me feeling more lost than before. "That always counts for something."

"Thank you...I suppose." I replied, lame.

The door swished oen again and admitted the commander. Her eyes widened when she saw me with the lieutenant, but I did not see any anger there. 

"Everything good here, LT?" She asked. 

"Right as rain, commander." He responded. "I was just leaving. Thank you for your time, Dr. T'Soni."

He left, leaving Shepard and me alone in the med bay. She gestured to the door. "There's a supply room through here, where we should be able to speak privately. If you're comfortable with that, of course."

"Of course, commander." I said, almost eager to get away from the windows and the stares I could feel through the glass.

Shepard guided me through the room and turned on the lamp desk, suffusing the room with warm, yellow light. She reclined against the small desk and took a deep breath, as though waiting for me to speak. Suddenly uncomfortable, all words fled from me as I stood face to face with the woman who was quickly becoming the most mysterious and terrifying entity to me in the galaxy. 


	11. Normandy - A Weighted Opportunity

**Liara**

The uncomfortable silence dragged on. The silver of her eyes fixed on me and I felt my cheeks coloring violet as I searched for the proper words to say. After I'd dimished her experience with the beacon...then offered to _meld_ for the goddess' sake...I feared opening my mouth would but further entrench me in humiliation. 

"How are you feeling right now, Dr. T'Soni?" She asked, the low timbre of her voice vibrating pleasantly in my hearing. "Dr. Chakwas said I shouldn't disturb your rest, but my crew was getting a little anxious for answers. I hope you understand."

"I...I do. And I am feeling much better, thank you." I stammered, uncertain of how to view this woman. According to her lieutenant, the crew feared her, but she seemed to have nothing but gentle words and apologies for me. "And I supposed I should thank you for saving my life, commander."

"Think nothing of it." She waved her hand dismissively before crossing her arms. "It's part of my job, after all."

"And offering asylum to a suspected criminal?" I pressed for further information, both about the woman herself, and her purpose. "Is that also part of your job, commander?"

"Call me Shepard, please." She deflected the inquiry. 

"Then you must call me Liara." I insisted, watching her brow rise and the scar tissue across her face stretch. 

"I'll be honest with you, Liara. The turian and salarian councilors are still dubious about your innocence. Tevos, on the other hand...well, she didn't even belief the allegations about Benezia until presented with the voice-ident."

I nodded, having expected as much. "My mother is a very influential asari, though she does not play at politics." I explained, in case there was a question I missed in Shepard's statement about Councilor Tevos. "And it is difficult to consider any matriarch so deeply ingratiating themselves with someone of such dubious motivations and dastardly alliances. I assume your Saren is attempting to find out more about these...Reapers."

Shepard shrugged her shoulders. "That's the question we're all asking, doc. We've got so little to go on and a lot less to run to. Some planets have reported out of the ordinary occurences, and it seems that wherever we spot the geth, some clues turn up. But, basically...we're running on theories and speculations."

"And a vision from a Prothean beacon." I steered the subject towards where I wanted it to lead, though not as subtly as I would have liked.

Shepard snorted, derisive. "Fat lot of good that's done us." She muttered, two fingers rubbing her temple in a festure I did not know if she comprehended. "All it's really done is ask more questions than we have answers to."

"If it causes you such discomfort and confusion," my boldness terrified me, but I pushed onward, "why did you refuse my offer of a meld?"

Shepard's eyes narrowed, her eyes bright as shining steel. "Why are you so interested in that?" She asked. 

"You've been touched by Prothean technology!" I exclaimed, surprised by my outburst. "Anyone in my field, with my abilities, would leap at this chance!"

Shepard laughed, a joyous sound that made my chest warm. "Suddenly Ashley's 'scalpel' commend is starting to make sense." She grinned, a roguish expression that doubled the beats of my heart. "You want to dissect my brain, doc? Ferret out my secrets? Plant suggestions in my head?"

"It...it does not work that way." I protested. "There are many misconceptions about my people the galaxy over, Shepard. Due to the misunderstandings concerning the meld, the asari are perceived to be promiscuous, and that simply isn't true. The meld, while it can be an act of intimacy, is also a way of transferring knowledge without the confusion of communication and different linguistic nuances. Using it, I could see the vision exactly as it was presented to you, without having to 'ferret', whatever that may mean, out any personal bias you might have towards the images and sounds. I was not...not sexually propositioning you, I swear it. I was simply offering an exchange of thoughts in order to help provide clarity."

"Easy." Shepard clutched her chest in mock injury. "I feel like I just got hit. Liara, if it helps, I'm quite certain your intentions are pure. Even Earth has its own overzealous scholars."

Again, a flush of shame covered my cheeks. "I apologize for my outburst." I muttered, shivering in the chill of that cool grey gaze. "I...it's just...the allegations made by Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko's unsubtle innuendos are the standard views held of my species by yours, are they not? The bombastic idea of mind control or implanting subliminal thoughts...it simply is not true, commander. Even if the asari were capable of those feats, we value the meld far too highly to abuse it in such a way."

"The chief may be a little biased." Shepard allowed. "And it is true that we're the newcomers to the galactic scene. But it wouldn't shock me to find some underlying belief in the stereotypes coloring and biasing your mind either."

"Such as?" I raised my chin in defiance, uncomfortable with having my character slighted by this woman. 

"Humans are a race predisposed to violence. Humans are arrogant and disregard the experience of others. And humans are unable, for much the same reasons as the krogan, to adhere to the galactic standards embraced by the council."

"Your prowess with weaponry did little to dissuade me from those lines of belief, as well as your crew's unwillingness to even entertain the possible truth of my thesis." I countered, hardly able to believe it when she began laughing again. 

"All right." She chuckled and conceded. "All right. It appears we've all gotten off on the wrong foot."

_Is there a proper foot? Something in their physiology that makes one foot superior to the other? What am I missing here?_

"Is that an apology?" I questioned, uncertain. 

"In a roundabout sort of way." Shepard nodded. "I actually wanted to speak with you about the meld, if you don't mind."

"You already declined the invitation, Shepard." I reminded her, my pride still a bit bruised. "In front of your crew for that matter. You would do their trust in you no favors by participating in a covert deal with a suspect alien."

"I need help, Dr. T'Soni." I hadn't believed it possible, but her eyes grew colder. "I can't make head sor tails of these damn images floating around in my brain. Some of my crew are xenophobic, and as much as I'm ashamed of and angry at them for that, I can't cure them in a day, or give them a biology lesson in the middle of a mission in hope to ease their minds. If you really want to see what the Protheans left behind in my head, I'm ready and willing. Anything for an answer."

"Then...you are willing to trust me?" I asked, humbled. "You are willing to let me see the vision?"

" _Only_ the vision." She stipulated. "Nothing else. There are places in my head no one needs to see again, Dr. T'Soni; places I don't need to revisit for my own sanity. I trust you to honor that."

"Nothing can be guaranteed, Shepard, but I will do my utmost." I promised, though I was unsure if I could follow through. 

_I have...I have never melded like this before. A mother's meld with her child is far deeper and more intimate than a shallow exchange of information between one to another. I do not have the fine control necessary to keep it simply at that level and yet...yet I must try. For her mission's sake; for my own edification...to satisfy my eternal curiosity._

"What do I need to do?" Shepard asked, uncrossing her arms and standing upright. 

"Concentrate on the vision." I told her as my mouth went dry, as I attempted to coax surety into my voice. "I will link our nervous systems and allow for the transmission of information. I will need you to relax as much as possible physically and mentally, or it will be harder to transmit the images completely."

"I understand." The soldier obeyed orders and I saw her visibly relax. "Anything else?"

"Breathe deep and easily." I told her, taking her hands in mine. Her skin was warm, supple, with rough edges and faint scarring...a warrior's hands. "Now, open your eyes." I urged her, and that cold silver pierced my gaze. I exhaled grasping at the peace needed for the gesture and completion of this meld. " _Embrace Eternity_."


	12. Normandy - Blood Drenched Hellscapes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Intense mentions of violence and loss.

**Liara**

_My first awareness is a thrumming pulse. It beats furious, fast, much faster than my own. Sensations I've never known pour over me...but, somehow, I can feel the hair on my arms lifting... **wait...that is...that is her. I am feeling her.**_

_"What the hell is going on?" Shepard asks, her voice ringing inside my mind now, and her fortitude amazes me._

_**Most species cannot speak within the meld until they are shown how...what have you been through, Shepard? What has your life comprised? Who have you been across your so short years?**_

_"Our nervous systems are aligning." I attempt to explain. "I simply did not know it would go this deeply this quickly with a human."_

_"You mean you haven't done this with a human before?" A slight edge of panic touches her voice, and the heartbeat that is not mine flutters through me, an ache in my own chest, fire down my arms, an uncomfortable pinch in my shoulders._

_"Please relax, commander." I almost beg. "Any averse physiological reaction will harm us both very badly."_

_"Fuck." She hisses, and I feel her lungs deflate. As I struggle for air, she fills them again in a deep, calming breath. Her heart rate and mine ease and calm, her muscles unclench in the practiced reflex of a consummate soldier, able to tear themselves away from the battlefield and focus on the task at hand._

_I shake my head, knowing that such knowledge does not belong to me. I know nothing of war, and little of soldiers, and even less of humans. It is knowledge gained from her through our link, through the tenuous bonds of synapses and neurotransmitters. I can sense an urgency in her, a desire to be free from this. She is not a woman who shares herself with ease, and this is a trial for her, physically and mentally. My reservations ease a little as I bear witness to her silent strength, fortitude provided by her need for answers. It is so strong that she ventures outside the realm of her comfort and expertise...not for the selfish pursuit of knowledge, but in order to secure the safety of others in the galaxy._

_"We're firmly connected." I tell her, awed at the warmth of her hands in mine, feeling her body as an extension of my own consciousness, my own self. "When you are ready, show me the vision."_

_"Just...be ready." Her voice vibrates along my crest and down my neck, a pleasant sensation that makes me shiver. "It's ugly, and if it hits you like it hit me, it's going to hurt."_

_"I understand."_

_My chest tightens with her intake of breath...and the flashes bombard me. Darkness and terror...the voices of a million souls shredding out their anguish. I see mountains of pulped bodies, piles of rotting flesh and gnawed bone, the putrid stench of decay as present as if I am present, the snarling of predatory animals, forced by starvation to gorge themselves on a feast of the dead. Through it all, pervasive, scalding in my ears and down my spine, is a numbing, mechanical roar, vibrating deep in my throat and chest, a burning beam so bright it outshines any sun of any solar system. I tremble from the force of it, my throat tight, my ears ringing, pain ripping through my skull in agonizing pulses. Flames pull me close, a warrior's hands in mine, steadying me now as I did her before._

_"It's okay." She whispers across the landscape of horror. "It's bad at first, but..." Her words shatter on a pained gasp and agony explodes behind my eyes in sharp, ragged edges._

_I struggle to breath, to keep myself upright as razors **shred** across my nerves. I stumble and sway, trying not to scream against the harsh barrage of anguish._

_**Goddess...it hurts...how...**_

_"Liara?" Shepard asks, and hearing my name in that low voice eases the onslaught for a moment before the agony swallows me again._

_**Ignore it.** I drive myself, knowing that I cannot base anything off of those first flashes of nightmarish, disconnected terror. **I have to see more. I have to push deeper. If Shepard could bear the actuality of this...I can cope with the memory...**_

_"I'm all right." I force myself to say, deepening the meld, edging closer towards the outline of the vision even as Shepard pulls it away._

_"Liara...what...you're not..." Shepard gasps again, but already I've pushed deeper into her psyche and body, feeling the constant ache of her old wounds, her exhaustion, her fear...so much fear. So much fear I do not think my heart can bear it, even if it does not know the source._

_"I have...have to see it again." I grind between my teeth, squeezed between suffering and affliction. "Please, show me."_

_I feel her reticence in a wave, the tightening of her shoulders as the muscles in my own threaten to snap from the pressure stretching them. "Only if you're sure...you're hurting pretty bad."_

_"I can bear it." I promise, not sure if I speak truth. I've never felt pain like this before in my life._

_"Okay, then."_

_Again, the wave of terror pulses over me, the pain pours into my skull and down my nerves, and I look beyond the rotting pile of corpses to the source of the red beam. I see the monstrous entity behind me as a swirl of foreign voices rasps in my hearing, cries of the dying. The low, humming, metallic, mechanical death knell roars from the massive monstrosity in the sky._

_**Reaper...**_

_The unified cry deafens me; my heart stutters in my chest; the earth trembles; the red light washes over me and I **scream** as pain floods every nerve ending, ripping me apart._

_"Liara!"_

_The memory buckles and shifts; I stand on another planet with shifting earth; another monster roars and something splashes against my back, searing down my legs, ruining them as my back erupts in flames. I shriek in unholy agony, pain splitting me apart at the seams. Gunfire deafens me but, even over it, I hear Shepard's voice, hoarse with screaming, weary with pain. Those beside me fall as the earth begins to burn and melt...taking my soul with it...tearing my skin apart. The last thing I feel is a single tear, burning across my face as I beg for death to take me...death that persists in being unmerciful. Death that knows nothing of mercy..._

_"No no no." Shepard's voice, dim. "Liara, please..."_

_A barrage of gunfire rings out and I shriek in a very personal pain heretofore unknown as a bullet **shreds** into my hip. There so much fear, so much helplessness, I stagger through the hall of a building being ripped apart, struggling to breathe through the dust. I stumble down the stairs, blood sheeting down my leg, trickling down my face from an aching head wound._

_"It's okay." I speak in a soothing whisper as my arms curl around something precious to me, so very very new and innocent and not worthy of the chaos and bullets and fear._

_I cower in the corner, crying out as my injured hip screams, then biting my lip til it tears and bleeds because I have to be so, so quiet. Blood drips through the floorboards above me like rain, soaking into my hair as I hunch over, protecting the beautiful burden I carry. I hear footsteps above me, speaking in that garish, alien tongue. Oh God...we were warned, we were warned, and our supposed protectors refused to listen and now...now this._

_The bundle in my arms begins to move, begins to cry, and I press my fingers to tiny, infant lips as the footsteps above me cease to fall._

_"Shhh." I hiss as quietly as I can, knowing that the world above this basement is drenched with death and filled with those who will kill us both without remorse._

_Thunder erupts from above me and bullets pepper through the floorboards. I curl myself over the baby in my arms, attempting to protect her, to shield her...too late. There is a wicked slice through my arm, a spray of blood across my face, and something in my shoulder **snaps** as bullets rip through the wood and my body._

_The footsteps leave and I sit there, maybe bleeding to death, hurting too much to be alive, gazing into wide, beautiful grey eyes as too little blood drains from the tiny body in my arms...so innocent...so precious...so...so..._

_"Liara." A feral growl snaps at me, whipcording across my mind, my nerves, throwing me ruthlessly back into my mind. "Liara...get out." Shepard's voice is hard, unyielding, agonized and anguished. " **Now**."_

_I tense and break the connection...too fast..._

* * *

"Hold on, Liara. I've got you." Strong arms wrapped around me and kept me on my feet. "Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. Do I need to call the doc?"

I tried to speak, but my jaw clenched too tight, every part of my body was on fire, I'd been shot, brutalized, burned, and even though none of it was real...I still felt it. 

"Liara?" A cold hand embraced my cheek, tapping it gently. "Liara, talk to me, goddamn it!"

I managed to lift my head and looked into silver, suffering eyes. 

_Oh Goddess...those were her...those were **her** memories...how..._

My back spasmed and my legs gave out. Shepard caught me, cradling me against her, lowering me to the floor. Sweat dripped from her hair and landed on my cheeks, where her shaking, frigid hands brushed them away. Her lips shuddered as she breathed, and I saw something I'd not noticed before. An old, pale scar through the center of her lower lip, where her teeth cut through...

... _in that horrible basement...what has she endured...what did I see that I had...I had no right to witness?_

"Liara?" Shepard asked again, her voice controlled, though tight with worry. 

"I'm sorry." Tears flooded my eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Just hold tight." She lifted me in her arms and I cried out in phantom pain still present from the meld. "Breathe for me, 'kay?" Shepard's voice carried nothing but soothing encouragement, even after those revisited _terrors_. 

She carried me to a battlefield litter and, so very gentle, set me down. Her hand moved up, coming under my crest, lifting my head, turning it to the side, cushioning it with a large packet of gauze. I shivered as the muscles in my back spasmed again, the nerves fiercly impacted from...whatever I'd experienced in the meld. I tried to stop it, but a moan of pained discomfort passed between my lips. 

"Liara, can you tell me what happened?" She asked, but I could barely speak through the throbbing in my skull and the pulsing points of pain from phantom injuries I'd never taken. "Can you tell me what you need?"

"R-rest." I managed to rasp as my eyes fluttered closed, tears slipping through them in a stream I could not stop. "Just...rest. Shepard...I...I'm...I'm _so **sorry**_."

"I know." Shepard moved her hand along my crest in a soothing gesture, the chill of her hand easing the screaming pain between my temples. "Just take care of you, Liara. It's okay."


End file.
